From last 2 years that I have been married and going through a divorce made me realize the effect stress can have on you. No one understands your situation, they try to give you advice that you are not ready to take. Though their intention is good but the practicality of the advice is questionable. You find it hard to even get out of bed, let alone follow advice. You cannot sleep properly, or eat. You lose interest in pretty much everything. Often times, you want to be left alone, you do not want to talk. You either stop eating or eat a lot. You ache everywhere.
I started to notice that I didn’t care about how I looked anymore. I hated talking to anyone and even the thought of going out made me want to cry. I would make excuses to stay at home and do nothing. My hair mane started reducing, I started to gain weight, I started avoiding people and functions altogether. I would not get sleep and the little time I slept, I was haunted with nightmares. Talk about an impressive depression. Though I had professional help, I found that medicines made me groggy (I am not advising that you give up on medications though). I did everything I could to make me better though, but that emptiness would not go away. I wanted to write about my situation but was too damn scared lest I would be marked as a freak. Indian society does that to you.
I wanted to get away from the situation, often dreamt of the days I was not married but of course, that didn’t help at all. I even started blaming everyone around me for my situation and to keep them at bay. I did this even to my best friend. For 2 whole years, all I did was hang in to the thread called life, without taking a dab of interest in it. Life passed by and I watched. I was too proud to cry. I would not talk to anyone about what was going on inside me. I would not let anyone even predict how helpless I was. I put up a strong front while I was crying inside.
Finally with the divorce settling in, the terms and conditions being agreed upon, I took a breath. I finally talked. Actually not in the talk per se, but I am writing it down. I found the courage to share my condition. I know what stress and depression can do to a person, believe me, I have faced them myself.
I am writing this article to let you know that you are not alone. Others suffer too, just don’t reveal them. It’s not a curse. My request is that please talk to people, your best friend, parents, siblings, anyone. Don’t be like me and shut them out of your life. They are worried about you and they don’t know what they can do to make you feel better.
Another important point is to keep the stress factor out of your life. For me, the stress factor was divorce terms not settling in. For you it can be anything. Identify it and acknowledge that you are depressed. Seek medical help, if needed. You can talk to me as well. I can be reached through Twitter, my handle @candinam.
While you are busy doing everything you can to fight this, remember to breath. It’s okay to be stressed, depressed!!
Here is a poem I read somewhere by someone often helped with my melancholy.
I’ve seen castles made out of sand.
Met people who believed destiny is engraved in the palms of their hands..
I’ve seen people change their faith.
Experienced love changed into hate.
I’ve seen people grow younger with age.
And a bird who wouldn’t fly out of an open cage.
I’ve seen love sold for money.
People who are devastated inside, but outside they are funny.
I’ve seen unicorns fall in love with toads.
People who owned half the city, have now hit the road.
I have learnt to expect the unexpected.
Perfection doesn’t exist, we are all defected.
Everyone cries, some just hide their tears.
They say coal turns into diamond over a million years.
Someone believes, you are one in a million.
For others, you are just another nobody in a billion.
So live life with all that you have..
Cherish every moment, whether happy or sad…